Question of the day

Do you ever sit at your desk at work (or kitchen table at home) by yourself and wonder "Is this what I'm meant to be doing?". I mean, in life - is this exactly what you should be doing? After all, you only have so much time left, shouldn't you be spending it as well as you can?

Just wondering if it's only me that does that :)

Until the next time,

-Buford Twain

My Brush with CRVO

Gentle reader,

A couple of things happened to me since Thanksgiving last year that made me re-think my life...

The first thing that happened was that I almost went blind in one eye. I will describe that in detail. I am fairly sure that by the time I am done with this I will have no energy for the second item. And so I will probably not devote enough time to that. But be assured that the second item has its own importance, actually it is more important. By the way, this is the first time I have written substantially in months and it feels really good. I hope I do not bore you with some of these details because I fear I am going to be long-winded as the juices have been building up for some time.

A Curious Problem

So, on the evening of Thanksgiving 2007 I was reading a book (The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham) and noticed that the words to the left and right from where I was looking were blurry. I closed one eye at a time and narrowed the problem down to the right eye. It was very strange, there were grey blurry patches all over the place as I looked at a dense page of text. The next day was a work day. I belong to a van pool and it is testament to my own stupidity and lack of reasonable priorities that I was going to put off going to see a doctor and drive to work. My reasoning was that others on the van needed to get to work so I should drive that day and then see a doctor on Saturday. As luck would have it, nobody else in the van pool showed up that morning. It was Friday and I ride with government workers who get lots of time off and plenty of sick time. They had all chosen to take off that day. I took this as a sign - I left the van meeting point and drove to the immediate care center of the local clinic.

The Diagnosis

At the clinic I was seen very quickly, despite being at the tail end of a crowd of people. In my experience being seen quickly at an emergency room is typically not a good sign and it certainly wasn't on this occasion. I was escorted to the eye doctor. When I explained to him about the blurriness he did some tests and then dilated my pupils and took some pictures of my retinas using a machine that flashed a very bright light into my eyes. When he saw the pictures he made a diagnosis that sounded complicated (as do most medical diagnoses, have you noticed?). I had CRVO, or "Central Retinal Vein Occlusion". At that moment as you may have guessed, I was wondering "what the f*ck does that mean?". Turns out the eye doc had some advice for me. He said "you know about computers" (earlier I had told him I worked as a computer programmer) "do yourself a favor and don't look it up on the internet". What an asshole. Don't these people know that the internet is the greatest invention of mankind since fire? I am very serious about that. Of course I completely disregarded his advice.

After Reading this You Will Know more than Most Eye Doctors Seem to Know

The retina is the part of the eye where the light lands and is converted into electrical signals. The signals then travel to the brain where the brain puts together the picture. The brain is actually a very fast and clever simulator (which has bugs, hence optical illusions). Your retina is sort of like the film in a camera. Without decent film, you can forget about a good picture. Anyway, it turns out the retina needs plenty of blood going into it to keep it working properly. This blood is brought into the retina via arteries, and the blood drains back out through some veins. For reasons unclear to me but being a scientist I can only offer evolution (and if it was "intelligently designed" then the designer should be immediately fired) both the arteries and the veins are designed in such a way that they both enter (arteries) and exit (veins) the eye through the same narrow canal, often in a twisting, knotted, tortuous way. Unsurprisingly, sometimes there is a blockage of some sort within this tight canal. It turns out that the medical community is at somewhat of a loss about why or how this happens. Doctors really don't know as much as they would have you believe. In any case, when it does happen, the overall blood flow to the retina slows and can be completely interrupted.

There are Two Types of CRVO... One is Good, the Other is Bad

If the blood flow is interrupted severely enough you are shit out of luck because starving a retina of blood means that you will lose your vision to a very great degree. This is because the retinal cells will die in a matter of a couple of hours. This is called "ischemic CRVO". The word ischemic means "starved of blood" and is also used to describe a stroke. In the case of a stroke, the brain is starved of blood and part of it dies. So CRVO can be considered a "stroke of the eye". If you are lucky (and I was) blood is still flowing somewhat adequately to the retina. This is called, long-windedly and confusingly "non-ischemic CRVO". The "non" indicates that there isn't blood starvation.

Even the good Type isn't Really That Good

In the non-ischemic ("good") case, even though you don't immediately go blind, the veins get extremely bulgy and can break and cause exensive hemmhoraging. This means that blood and other fluid leaks into your retina. As you might imagine, this really fucks up your vision. It's a bit like trying to see through about 3 inches of muddy water. It took a few days in my case, but eventually the vision out of my right eye became really blurry. It was especially bad in the mornings. I am guessing (again, the medical community is not coming up with much insight on this one) because the fluid built up while I was sleeping. Also, there is a small yet not insignificant chance that non-ischemic CRVO will convert to ischemic CRVO. It's about a 13% chance over an 18 month period, with most of the risk being in the first 6 months.

A Strange Bunch

A common trait of sufferers of CRVO is that they are continually closing and opening their eyes, one at a time. This is because they are testing how bad their vision has become and lamenting that they cannot see very well out of one eye. The effect is particularly noticeable when driving or being driven, because the license plate of the car in front offer a convenient yet frustrating test of visual acuity, or lack thereof. There are around 65,000 of us diagnosed per year in the USA.

Work Doesn't Go Away When Something Goes Wrong With You

Luckily, being a computer programmer, my job wasn't very dependent on my vision. Yes, there was a heavy dollop of sarcasm mixed into that last sentence. What was truly terrifying was the thought of losing my livelihood, or being relegated to the dark side - namely of managers and project-managers who don't get to write code. After some thinking and consulting with people on support forums I decided to NOT tell anyone at work. I am no longer the naive young worker who thinks that their corporation has their best interests at heart. "What they don't know can't hurt me" became my motto. Besides, I was still producing fine work on just the one cylinder (eye) despite feeling sorry for myself at times.

Current Status

To make a long story a bit longer, after 3 months my CRVO seems to be improving. The veins are settling down and the blurriness is less severe (though still a problem in the mornings on most days). My good eye (my left one) is fine and has been picking up the slack. I am optimistic that I will recover completely. Maybe I will be one of the lucky ones. There are many people who aren't as lucky, some of whom end up with NVG, or neovascular glaucoma. This is where extra veins grow to try to make up for the veins that are blocked. While it seems that this is a good thing, it isn't. It can cause very high eye pressure which can be so painful that it makes you vomit. There are people on the support forums that have gone through this and it is not pretty. By the way, I have come to the conclusion that support forums are one of the best things about the internet but they don't get anywhere near as much glory as they deserve.

What is the Point of All This

So, I am relatively young (41) and have already had this problem. I am not overweight, I exercise, eat well and am very happy with my life. I have spent most of my life working hard, providing for my family and saving for retirement. One thing I take from this scare is that I need to be saving less and enjoying myself more. Retirement is somewhat of a red herring. You shouldn't work all of your life and put off enjoyment until retirement. There is a good chance that you will not make it. Or if you do make it, you may be disabled in some way so you won't be able to enjoy it fully. I have also become far more tolerant of "trivial" problems, like clutter and imperfections in my house. A brush with blindness will do that to you. I have become far more grateful for the simple things in life, like being able to walk and see. Finally, I have become far more empathetic towards blind people. I had a very tiny glimpse into their life, and find it inspiring that many are able to lead full and productive lives.

Which Brings me to The Other Thing

My best friend in the whole wide world called me last week with the news that he has sarcoma. Sarcoma (like you needed more medical information) is a fairly rare and aggressive form of cancer. He has for many years had a condition where he grows benign lumps on his body, and those lumps masked the cancer. When they finally did a biopsy after he complained of pain in his neck they found the cancer, which by that time had spread all over the place, including his lungs. This again reinforces my earlier point: enjoy your life now. Each and every precious day.

Time for today's quote:

"We’re all successful, intelligent, educated.
To focus on what you don’t have is a terrible mistake.
With the gifts all of us have, if you are unhappy, it’s your own fault."
-Warren Buffett

Until the next time, gentle reader, I remain,

Your Friend,

Buford Twain

PS - If you are a fellow CRVO sufferer, here is an excellent support forum:

http://groups.msn.com/CRVOSupport

and here is a web site with lots of good information:

http://webeye.ophth.uiowa.edu/DEPT/CRVO /INDEX.HTM

Good luck to you!

A Few Things I Don't Get About America - On penis-chopping, and other oddities

Gentle reader,

I love America. However, there are a few things that make me wonder. As a non-native (but long-time resident) I'm calling 'em as I see 'em. Free speech is free speech, right?

First of all, let's get one out of the way that curiously, most people here in the US don't seem to think twice about. I am talking about circumcision, the extaordinarily savage practice of cutting off part of a baby's penis shortly after birth. I get the strange impression that most folks don't think that the baby feels the pain of this pointless operation. Let me assure you, babies feel pain. They are acutely aware of pain just like you or I. Also the oft-quoted excuse "they won't remember it" rings hollow to me. By that logic, is it OK to rape a woman because she is drunk and "won't remember it"? Also, there is little justification for the procedure on medical grounds. I won't belabor this point but allow me to address one common justification: "there is less chance that the baby will get penis cancer". Yeah, and if you chop off my arm I can guarantee you that I won't get cancer in that arm. If you chop off my head I guess it will reduce my chances of getting brain cancer too. I hope that 50 years from now, we will look back and laugh at this practice because it doesn't make any sense. By the way, it also causes desensitization of the head of the penis, which changes sex. For better or worse? Debatable (comments?) but usually nature gets things right and it seems presumptuous to try to change it for no particular reason. I'll leave you with one last thought on this one: how do you feel about female genital mutilation (or the removal of a chunk of the clitoris)? OK, why not apply this same reasoning to male circumcision?

Next, what's with the ritualistic recital of the pledge of allegiance in school? To a person born outside this country, this seems very curious and cult-like. I find mindless recital of anything to be an early indicator of problems ahead. Worship of a country or a flag seems like a type of brain-washing to me. Yeah, we are all living in America, that's great but let's all think for ourselves instead of behaving like mindless sheep.

Moving on, what is the deal with the nudity-phobia? It is strangely incongruous that extreme and senseless violence is shown on TV at all hours of the day, but we're not allowed to see a breast or an ass or a penis. Look folks, we all have these things under our clothing. We are not all just floating heads with nothing but pretty clothing from the neck down. Let's become slightly more comfortable with our bodies and not freak out quite so much. A friend of mine often regales me with a story from when he was at a beach somewhere in France . He was just walking along the beach, and many of the girls were topless. No big deal. Until somewhere from the side, a loud Texas-drawl shouts out "LOOK AT THEYEM TEEYATS!!". Yeah, get over it buddy.

OK, another thing that makes no sense to me: you have to be 21 to be able to get an alcoholic drink. If you're 18 years old it's OK to become a soldier and die in Iraq. But sorry, ya can't have a drink. Enough said on that.

Finally, why is it a big problem to be an atheist in the US? Live and let live. This country loves freedom, right? Then let people believe what they like, or nothing. If they are not hurting you, then leave them alone. It is plain to me that atheists don't feel comfortable admitting that they are atheists in the US. As Richard Dawkins points out, it's like being a gay person in America in the 1950's. That is just plain wrong. In the UK and most of Europe, it's just not a big deal and it shouldn't be in the USA either.

Time for today's quote:

No matter that patriotism is too often the refuge of scoundrels. Dissent, rebellion, and all-around hell-raising remain the true duty of patriots. -Barbara Ehrenreich

Until the next time gentle reader I remain, as always,

Your friend,

Buford Twain

Ass Surgery - Just Another Painful Reminder Of the Inevitable End

Gentle reader,

As I go through life I find it's best to pretend that I am immortal. Otherwise, I become preoccupied with dark thoughts. Thoughts such as "how did I get here?", "what's it all for?" and "shit I'm going to die".

Once in a while, however, something medical comes up that reminds me (sometimes quite painfully) that I am getting older. I am mortal after all, and my body is slowly starting to fail. One such event happened last week.

For the squeamish, fair warning: this post contains some graphic details. On the other hand, the principle of "know your audience" tells me that there are some that might enjoy the read. If nothing else, it will allow you to rejoice in your own good health.

Still with me? Good.

So, about 2 months ago, I noticed a strange lump on my ass. No, not on the fleshy part of the butt. A lump on the anus itself, towards the outside. The lump was soft and squishy most of the time. But sometimes when taking a shit it turned extremely hard, like a frozen pea. Mercifully, it wasn't painful at all. Those of you older than, say, 35, may recognize the symptoms (it's pretty common) of a hemorrhoid. So, no big deal. I have an ass lump, I mention this to my dear family and become known as "lumpy". All well and good. Until, one night last week, I awoke in terrible pain - the ass lump has now become permanently hard, engorged with blood, like it's burning and trying to burst.

Well, I am reluctant to let ANYONE mess with my ass. Not even my wife. I know Cosmo tells you that some guys like having their ass played with during sex. Ladies, this is not always the case. Even going to see a doctor was something I didn't want to consider. I would take the pain like a man. Well, I found out that pain trumps modesty. After just one fun-filled day of going to work and pretending that all was OK, I decided enough was enough.

Off to the emergency room I went. Years ago, the receptionists at the ER used to loudly ask what the problem was, forcing you to confess in front of a room full of people. Mercifully, they had changed that policy in favor of letting you write down the problem on a discreet little piece of paper. Knowing this, I had cunningly pre-determined what I would write: "Pain when going to the bathroom". Brilliant! Some truth, but not the whole (hole) truth. No mention at all of an ass lump. I would divulge that only when in the privacy of the doctor's room. Such intimate details were clearly only to be given on a "need to know" basis.

Well, after a short wait, in I went. After the blood-pressure and temperature rigamarole, I described my unfortunate predicament to the nurse. Then the doctor came in and he was a no-messing-around sort of guy. Pants down please, and bend over the table. Wow, another new experience. After a bit of hemming and hawing and messing around, the diagnosis was pronounced: A thrombosed hemorrhoid. That means a hemorrhoid that has managed to get a lump of congealed blood stuck in it. My body, in its infinite wisdom, had figured out that the blood clot needed to be gotten rid of and had started to attack it. The result was a nice little infection that only served to make things even more painful. The result of the visit was an appointment with a dedicated ass-surgeon for the very next day and a prescription for some powerful pain-killers.

Still with me? OK you are a glutton for punishment. So at this point, I was wishing for a remote control like the one given to Adam Sandler in the movie "click". I needed some serious fast-forwarding of my life. But I wasn't getting away with things that easily. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, my 1pm appointment rolled around and I was finally able to see the ass-surgeon, the person who I now refer to as "my blessed saviour" (doctor MBS). He had a dry sense of humor. Years of digging around in people's butt-holes will do that to you, I suppose. His solution to my problem: local anaesthetic, followed by "lancing" of the offending hemorrhoid. At that point, I would agree to anything (*anything*) that would reduce the pain.

We started immediately. First things first - it was time for more humiliation. Up onto a steel table with some white antiseptic paper coverings, and then my ass cheeks were gently but firmly stretched and taped back into place, 3 pieces of tape on each. They were spread wide open to the world, including the female nurse who was helping out who I had been chatting with a few minutes earlier as she took my blood pressure. The time had arrived for a shot of local anaesthetic. The nurse came over and offered me her hand. Well, isn't that a nice gesture, I thought to myself. But I wasn't going to accept her hand and be a wimp. After all, it was just a local anaesthetic, right? No problemo. Been there, done that.

Wrong. Really, badly, very terribly wrong. Never been wronger, ever in my life.

The pain that I felt when he inserted that needle into the soft, very sensitive, never-touched-by-anything-rougher-than- a-soft-piece-of-bathroom-tissue part of my anus felt like someone had placed a red-hot piece of coal, with shards of glass in it, directly onto and into my anus and held it there for about a minute, every once in a while turning it around and digging it in. I cannot imagine how simply cutting off the hemmorhoid could bring pain even
remotely as bad as that injection. I speak as someone who has also suffered in the past from a kidney stone, which in itself is more painful then childbirth (they tell me) and it was worse, much worse, than that.

The good news...after a couple more minutes, all the pain had gone away. Then doctor MBS was able to cut into the blood-and-puss-engorged lump and remove the clot. After it was out, as a final touch, doctor MBS kindly, thoughtfully, took the time to carry the blood clot over to the head of the table and display it proudly to me. I was at a total loss for words at this point, even though I appreciate good work as much as the next man.

Thankfully, it was all downhill from there. After he was done and I was getting my clothes back on, I glanced back at the table. There was a patch of the white sanitary paper covering that looked like the top of a mcdonalds hamburger - a mixture of mustard and ketchup (just picture the colors). A messy business indeed and as my trips to hospitals and clinics continue I am reminded of my wise decision many years ago to not try to become a doctor or vet of any kind.

So having recovered over the past few days, I feel like I have had a small rebirth. After medical scares all seems new, and then I start to think, shouldn't I do something more productive with my life? Maybe. But for now, I am grateful just to not be in pain.

Time for today's quote:

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
-R.W.Emerson

Until the next time, gentle reader, I remain,

Your friend,

Buford Twain

An Employee's Guide to Achieving Financial Security in America - In several excruciatingly difficult steps

Gentle reader,

Here are some thoughts on making sure that you don't spend your life in a state of continual financial stress. There are a number of steps. I'm afraid the first step is a difficult one. The other steps are difficult also. Hi-ho, let's get started anyway.

The first step is for you to get a very high paying job. How do you do that? Well, it depends on the job but you should definitely spend some time researching jobs that pay well. For some you will need to invest years into college (medicine, law). For some you will need to be extremely smart (Wall Street quantitative analyst). For some you will need to be able to handle large quantities of boredom and stress (management, law). For others you will need the ability to successfully lie to other people (sales, law). OK, I gave lawyers a hard time there. If you have a family and you want a decent house to put them in, you should aim for $100k or above. There aren't many jobs that pay that much these days, you may have noticed. That's what makes this step so difficult. The problem with high-paying jobs is that, usually, the amount of stress you will have to deal with is directly proportional to your salary.

Why such an emphasis on a high-paying job? Well, let's be honest. Inflation has been creeping up (gas, energy, education, little things like that). In particular, housing has gone up by a ridiculous amount over the past 5 years. I find it very frustrating that if I was starting out today I would not be able to afford my own house. I know it's nice for some to have their property value appreciate but not to the point where young people cannot afford to buy a place of their own. So, if you want a decent house you will probably need to make a lot of money.

The second step is for you to live below your means. There are many places you can go to read suggestions (e.g. blogs and finance web sites). I think you should aim to have at least $500 of cash left over every month to save, after all other expenses, including maxing out your 401(k). Maxing out your 401(k) means that you will need to invest around $15k a year, which is over $1k a month. See how step 1 is important? It's difficult to do that on a very low salary, particularly if you have a family. Be wary of the lure of the new car. That will take several hundred dollars a month away for a few years, at least. If you own your own house, your mortgage will most probably be your biggest expense. Don't underestimate heating and cooling as well, depending on where you live. Energy costs are rising far quicker than inflation. Owning a house in general is a constant source of expenses.

The third step is for you to build up an emergency fund. You should aim for around 6 months of expenses, but more is better. Be aware of the fact that if you lose your job, you will probably have to COBRA (continue paying for, by yourself) your health care. That can be EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE for a family. We are talking $1000 a month or more. That cost should be included when you are figuring your monthly expenses. Keep your emergency fund in a high-interest account or treasury bonds, something that is VERY SAFE.

The fourth step is for you to be VERY CAREFUL about your career. You do NOT want to lose your job for an extended period. That is terrible, financially (as well as emotionally). Basic advice here is to avoid companies that are clearly in trouble (unfortunately, most companies will be in trouble at some time, because many businesses are cyclical). If the company you work for is not making a profit, it is cause to be worried and start looking elsewhere. To this point, you must MANAGE YOUR OWN CAREER. Update your skills constantly, make sure that you are competitive. Be aware of current salaries for your type of work. Are you highly paid? BEWARE. You are a target for losing your job unless you are obviously justifying your higher-than-average salary. By the way, it is a fact of life that NOBODY cares about your career as much as you do, so look out for yourself.

Since so few companies offer pensions any more, the fifth step is to invest steadily for your retirement and invest in the right things. Again, you can read books about this. A good one is "The four pillars of Investing" by William Bernstein. Avoid the following mistakes:
* Do not invest all your money in your company's stock! Remember what happened to Enron?
* Do not invest more than a few percent of your savings in any one particular stock. Consider low-cost index funds or ETFs (exchange-traded funds). Google for IYY (Dow Jones total market) or EFA (European large cap).

Also, do not overlook international funds. Many very intelligent investors are sounding warnings about the US economy. Are they right? Beats me. But it doesn't hurt to diversify into European stocks, and maybe consider China and India as well. Once you have picked what you want to invest in, STICK WITH IT. Don't be constantly changing your mind and chasing "hot" sectors. Every day the press focuses on what the stock market has done. Forget about it. You need to invest your money for the long term (20, 30 years). If you are investing steadily (e.g. every month) it is best for you that the stock market goes DOWN for a while anyway, especially when you are starting out. It's like prices being cheap at the supermarket.

Well, that's it, I have run out of advice for now so on to today's quote...

If you're old enough to start thinking about sex, you're old enough to start saving for retirement.
-Phil DeMuth


Until the next time, gentle reader, I remain as always,

your friend,

Buford Twain

What I Believe

Gentle reader,

I borrowed the title of this post from an article written by EM Forster (you can google that if you *really* want a good read).

Here is what I believe, at the tender age of 41. I wonder how much this list will change as times goes on.

1) Nobody on earth (from the Dalai Lama and the Pope to Stephen Hawking) has the slightest idea why we are here, where we are from and what is the meaning of life. If anyone tells me they know, then I assume that they are either deluding themselves or they are lying.

2) Anyone who believes in and follows any of the existing world religions is either deluding themselves or they haven't thought about it enough.

3) The artificial division of the planet into countries, states, etc. is ridiculous and leads to huge problems (see 4).

4) Nuclear war is almost inevitable. The probability of nuclear war is not zero and the amount of time available to have a nuclear war is pretty much infinite.

5) To be happy in life you have to work at something you can be proud of. Artists have a head start.

6) Most people, when taken individually, are decent and sane.

7) Large groups of people with something in common, and particularly those who lead them, are usually to be feared.

8) It is best for a parent to educate their child, if possible and practical.

9) It is terribly wrong to treat people like parts of a machine.

10) The goal of people should be overall happiness. This is sometimes thought of as being the same as wealth. That is a huge mistake.

Today's quote?

Politicians and diapers must be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
-Unknown

Until the next time, gentle reader, I remain,

Your friend,

Buford Twain

Two Weeks Off a Year

Gentle reader,

Somehow, we need to get more leisure/vacation time. Aside from just feeling downright tired all the time, we are losing many ideas and are spending time doing all the wrong things while not having time to do the right things.

Have you ever noticed what happens when you take an extended vacation? I am not talking here about a hectic five day trip to DisneyWorld (TM). I am talking about taking a vacation where you do "nothing".

As you decompress, you start to forget the pressures and stress of your job. You become happier. Time takes on a different feeling. Your time is your own and not somebody else's. You are not as hurried, you can focus on things that YOU want to do, not that somebody else wants you to do.

And after a few days, you might start to notice something else.

If you are like me, after a few days, your brain may start to throw out ideas and thoughts that previously would have been suppressed, pushed to the back of your brain as being too impractical. Thoughts that are radical and "foolish". Big thoughts.

For example, how can I improve life for others? How can I work less and have more time to myself? How can I spend more time with my children? How can I do more of the things that make me happy?

Sometimes, I will get some ideas about how I can make a positive difference to the lives of others. For example, would it be possible for me to set up a network of buses that could carry people economically from the suburbs to their jobs downtown, so they wouldn't need to drive any more? Would it be practical for me to install a big wind turbine near my house, to generate electricity to help
slow down climate change and save money in the long run? How about doing some more writing and maybe even beginning that novel I have been meaning to write? What can I do to organize non-religious people to come together and
do projects for the benefit of others (e.g. helping the poor and elderly)? And so on.

All these thoughts I find far more important than working. And yet, after a week or so, I am forced to go back to work and those thoughts disappear, or are pushed back into the back of my brain, lying dormant.

If we had a more equal balance between work, and leisure, I think we would see many benefits because some of these ideas would be able to see the light of day, instead of becoming pipe dreams. And then I wonder to myself, how many millions, billions of fantastic ideas have died in someone's brain, just because they don't have enough time to do something about them?

Ultimately I suppose the key is to become independently wealthy. I am trying to do that, but it is tough and paradoxically, I find that this requires even MORE time than simply "working for a living". It seems to me like the 2 weeks off a
year rule was set up on purpose to make sure people stay docile, to make sure that they keep their noses to the grindstone and don't think of anything too radical, until they are too old and tired to really do anything beyond play
golf. We are cogs in a gigantic industrial machine that chews us up, and then spits us out. With just 2 weeks of vacation time a year life becomes just a gigantic treadmill, from school, to working, and ultimately to the grave, with precious few redeeming features beyond the joys of friends and family that one doesn't see often enough.

If you read this and you own a company, consider increasing the amount of vacation time you offer. Perhaps you won't immediately realize any financial benefits. But overall, happiness will increase. And isn't that what life is all about?

Time for today's quote:

A man needs a little madness, or else he never dares cut the rope and be free.
-Nikos Kazantzakis


Until the next time, gentle reader, I remain,

Your Friend,

Buford Twain

Just for once, be a big fat LOSER

Gentle reader,

It is rare that a day passes without news of people lying, cheating and stealing.

From secretaries to politicians to CEOs, why does it seem that dishonorable people are everywhere?

I wonder if one reason might be that we are taught from an early age the importance of winning above all else.

Winning at baseball.

Winning at soccer.

Winning at football.

Winning at school.

Winning at college.

winning at your job

winning the dating game

Winning, winning, winning, winning, always frigging winning.


It is no coincidence that "LOSER!" is a particularly harsh insult in the US and elsewhere.

When we are told to win at all costs (and make no mistake, we get this message from an early age and it never stops), it is not surprising that many people bend and break the rules to live up to those demands. Which means...

Students cheat on assignments and tests.

Soccer players elbow each other and pretend to be injured.

Parents cheat to help their children succeed.

Teachers cheat on behalf of their children so that their school gets a good grade.

People lie on their resumes to get a job.

Salespeople lie to get people to buy things.

Companies lie in commercials to get consumers to buy things.

Politicians lie and manipulate to get people to vote for them.

Scientists bend the truth (lie) to get grants or gain prestige (their version of winning).

And so on. It never ends.


What is the real outcome of all this winning and who is better off as a result?

Well usually, if someone wins, someone else loses.

Many religions have the concept of the "golden rule" - don't do to other people what you wouldn't want done to you.

It's a simple rule, but it gets trampled in our quest to win everything.

At the end of the day, we are all going to the same place. A hundred years from now, who will care that we "won" these things?

I respectfully disagree with the premise that we must win everything.

In particular, when faced with a choice between winning, and being honorable, why not consider choosing the latter? At least once in a while. We poor losers will thank you.


Time for today's quote:

"I believe in aristocracy, though - if that is the right word, and if a democrat may use it. Not an aristocracy of power, based upon rank and influence, but an aristocracy of the sensitive, the con-siderate and the plucky. Its members are to be found in all nations and classes, and all through the ages, and there is a secret understanding between them when they meet. They represent the true human tradition, the one permanent victory of our queer race over cruelty and chaos. Thousands of them perish in obscurity, a few are great names. They are sensitive for others as well as for themselves, they are considerate without being fussy, their pluck is not swankiness but the power to endure, and they can take a joke. "
-EM forster

Until the next time, gentle reader, I remain,

Your friend,

Buford Twain

Are you Middle Class or Working Class?

Gentle reader,

Do you consider yourself Working Class or Middle Class?

I am guessing that you answered what the vast majority of people in the US would answer: "Middle Class!".

But, what does that mean, and how do we define the "Middle" and "Working" classes"?

Let me suggest a very simple definition of Working Class, based on one simple test:

You belong to the working class if the majority of adults in your household *need* to work for a living in order to make ends meet.

I think this is a reasonable definition. Why? Because as soon as the percentage of working adults
in a household rises above 50% life becomes more about survival than "the pursuit of happiness". To use the vernacular: "It Mostly Sucks (TM)". Even if you enjoy what you do, your time is no longer your own. Well, aside from those 2 weeks of vacation (assuming that you even get that much).

In other words...

If you are a parent in a single-parent household and you need to work then using this definition
you belong to the Working Class, irrespective of the particular job that you have.

And, if you belong to a 2-parent household and both need to work to meet expenses then your
family is Working Class.

I don't know about you, but I find that it is becoming tougher to make ends meet than 10 years ago. House prices have increased, heating and gasoline are more expensive. Wages haven't really risen much, in real terms (adjusted for inflation). Many families are finding that they need both parents to be working. I think that in the future, a lot people who thought that they were middle class are going to find out that they are really Working Class.

And on to the quote for today:

If you give me six lines written by the most honest man, I will find something in them to hang him.
-Cardinal Richelieu

Until the next time, gentle reader, I remain,

Your friend,

Buford Twain

Moving House? Not So Fast.

Gentle reader,

Are you thinking about moving house?

Are you caught up in the manic cycle of house buying and selling, just so you can"move up", impress the Joneses and feel good about yourself?

Hold on one minute, let's think about this.

Old Memories
--------------
There is something to be said about laying down roots in one place. I am not talking about shallow roots, I am talking about deep, deep roots.

I remember Karl from next door. He was in his mid-80's when we first moved in. We helped him and his wife mow their lawn when he was sick and I remember how he joked, when one day he had not woken up until 4pm, that he was "getting ready to sleep full-time". Old Karl is gone now. But those memories of him live on and they still make me smile once in a while.

I remember my children running about the house when they were little.
This old place has all those old memories in its woodwork. If I were to move, I am afraid that most of those memories would stay behind.

How about you?

What memories do you have and don't you think you might lose some of them in the shuffle?

Community
------------
It's hard to build a solid community when people are constantly coming and going.

True friendships are forged over long periods of time. Shared memories of "how things used to be" and hardships endured ("do you remember the winter of 1986?") help to form a bond between neighbors. Think about how long it takes to build these bonds.

People can be fiercely individualistic and it can take many years for people who were strangers
to become true neighbors. If you move, perhaps you will lose some or all of these relationships and it may take years to re-build them in another area.

Economics
-----------
A move "just for the sake of moving" can be very costly. Consider the following:

1) How much extra mortgage will you have if you "move up"?

Perhaps more importantly, how much longer will you need to be paying that mortgage if you refinance with a new 30 year loan? Will you feel good about your decision later, when you are forced to keep sending a cheque to the mortgage company when you could have owned your old house free and clear?

2) If you move into a bigger house, what about the increased insurance, heating and cooling bills and property taxes?

3) Do you really need the extra space? Is it worth the use of all those resources (construction materials) and added energy usage?

Of course, sometimes it is necessary to move.

Jobs come and go, harsh economic realities often take precedence over personal preferences.

These are just some things to think about before you make your decision.

And on to today's quote:

"We shape our buildings, and afterwards our buildings shape us."
-Winston Churchill

Until the next time, I remain,

Your friend,

Buford Twain

Being Religious is Easier

Gentle reader,

I was raised (loosely) as a Roman Catholic. I went to a Catholic comprehensive school in London on the weekdays and church on Sundays. Well, most Sundays. One time I snuck away with my brother and we bought comic books with the collection money. That was fun! But over time I have become an atheist. As I grow older and spend more time thinking about life, I cannot not bring myself to stay religious. The more I think about it, the less I am able to buy into believing something without evidence. I am a scientist at heart. Moreover, there are some aspects of the bible and religion that I believe are harmful. For example, threatening people with hell to make them behave in a certain way. There are many other things.

I walked away from religion. However, I can see how absolutely necessary it must be for some people to have religion in their lives. Having given up on religion myself, I strongly believe that life is easier if you are religious than if you are an atheist. Here are some of the reasons:

1. If there is no God then what is the purpose and meaning of life? Anyone who ponders this question and has no religion is left with a huge, empty chasm. I personally spend some time every day wondering about this. If you are religious, this question is answered.
2. If there is no God, what happens to me when I die? It is daunting and unpleasant to think about this question, and imagine oneself underground, or being burnt in a furnace, with NOTHING afterwards. You will never get to see your loved ones again. How much nicer it is to believe that they will all be waiting for you in heaven. Or that you will have a bevy of virgins, or attain Nirvana.
   
3. If you are religious you have an instant social network through your Church. Without church you may have to work harder to find friends.
   
4. If you don't have a religion, you are completely responsible for your own life. There is no such thing as "leaving it up to God". If something bad happens (e.g. you lose your job), there is no-one to turn to but yourself. That can be a lot to handle. How much easier it is to trust God to do the driving.
   
5. You are responsible for your moral choices and you must live with your conscience forever afterwards. There is no such thing as going to confession and being completely forgiven. I would love to have all my sins forgiven. But it's just not an option for me.
   

Despite all of these disadvantages, I have no choice but to be an atheist. I simply don't believe in any God, or Gods. But I do understand why many others are religious and I do not hold it against them. It is more difficult for me now that I know (I am pretty sure, let's say) I am "alone" in the universe, than before when I was a believer. Which brings us to today's quote:

"Whatever gets you through the night...is alright...is alright".
-John Lennon

Until the next time gentle reader, I remain,

Your friend,

Buford Twain

Buford Twain's Simple Fitness Plan for Life

Gentle reader,

Here is a simple and very inexpensive plan to help you stay healthy.

Exercise

MONDAY - FRIDAY

Get *some* exercise and remain as active as possible during the day. Walk around a lot if your job allows that. Even if you are stuck at a desk (as I am), you can get up every once in a while to run small errands to keep somewhat active.

If you work in an office, go for a 1/2 hour walk at lunchtime. Head out to a local park, or just walk around if you are in a city. If you don't have time for a 1/2 hour walk at lunchtime, make time.

You are more important than you job. You are the one who may die from a heart attack or suffer illness if you don't exercise, not your co-workers. You are worth it - do it.

THE WEEKEND

Try to stay active, e.g. clean your house a little bit (sweeping and scrubbing are good exercise), play with your kids (if applicable), go to fun places that involve walking (e.g. museum, art gallery, park). There are other activities that are great exercise that are also fun. You know what I mean :)


Eating

For Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner try to eat lots of fruits, vegetables and try to steer clear of fats and sweets. If you feel like a snack between meals, try to eat an apple or some other piece of fruit.

Remember, an occasional candy bar won't kill you and chocolate actually has some health benefits :)

The key is MODERATION.


General guide to eating healthy food:

Fruits and vegetables are best. It's a good idea to wash them before you eat them to remove chemicals that might be on them.

As for processed foods, try to eat the ones with the fewest ingredients.

Check labels and count ingredients. If you see a huge list of ingredients be leery, most of the
ingredients are probably additives and chemicals that you want to minimize.

Bread is usually good, particularly wheat bread. Again, check and count the ingredients in your bread. Bread really only needs to have flour, water and yeast.


What to Avoid

Don't diet, in the sense of depriving yourself of food.
Try to have a good diet (in the sense of good nutrition), but don't actually diet.
Dieting doesn't seem to work in the long run and makes you miserable.
Being miserable oftens makes people eat junk food in an uncontrolled way.
This becomes a vicious circle of misery and overeating.
The only ones to benefit from this are DIET COMPANIES.

If you can't seem to stick to the plan, it is possible that you are stressed, or have other issues that are causing you to overeat.

I overeat when I am stressed, and sometimes turn to candy as comfort food.
It feels good for a little while, but there are consequences later that I don't like.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Consider focussing on improving your state of mind.
Try a calming activity like yoga, or play music that you enjoy.
Paradoxically, exercise in itself can help you feel better mentally, which in turn
can help prevent you from overeating, in a positive feedback loop.


At the risk of repeating myself, if you get nothing else out of this article, here are 2 points to take away:

1) You can and should eat healthily WITHOUT DIETING.

2) You can and should EXERCISE A LITTLE EVERY DAY, and you don't need to join an expensive gym to do that.

That's it! I hope it helps someone. If it does, please post something. If not, please post and let me know what I can do to improve this.

And on to the quote of the day:

"Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow."
-Oscar Wilde

Until the next time, gentle reader, I remain,

Your friend,

Buford Twain

Don't be Number 1. Be Number 2.

Gentle reader,

Despite what they may say ("our employees are our greatest asset!"), companies don't have your best interests at heart. Trust me on that.

They are there to make money and that's about it.

Not-for-profit companies may be the exception (I have never worked full-time at one) but somehow, I doubt it.

Given that it's a dog-eat-dog world, what can you do to improve your chances at thriving and surviving as an employee commando in the corporate jungle?

Here's a tip that may seem counter-intuitive but bear with me, all shall be revealed...

Don't be Number 1 at work...(even though you definitely have what it takes)
Don't be number 3 at work...
Be Number 2 at work (no, not in the scatological sense).

If you are number 1, you might be paid more than the others but that comes with some serious drawbacks. You are too smart to fall into that trap. It means...

* You are the person they all turn to in a crisis. This means: LOTS OF PRESSURE
* You must be driven and competitive. In other words, STRESSED OUT
* You will be expected to lead the critical projects. Or, YOU WILL LIVE AT THE OFFICE

If you are number 3 (i.e. significantly below number 1) you will have the following fun little issues to deal with:

* You will be passed over for promotions and will therefore MAKE MUCH LESS MONEY
* You will be viewed as a bit of a LOSER and will therefore be the FIRST TO GET THE BOOT when the layoffs start.
* You will probably not enjoy your job and so you will be MISERABLE at work

However, if you are #2, or just ever-so-slightly behind number 1, you will enjoy the following benefits:

* You will get to work on some of the most INTERESTING PROJECTS.
* You will be PAID REASONABLY WELL (though, of course, not as well as #1)
* You will enjoy PRETTY GOOD JOB SECURITY
* You will enjoy a moderate amount of prestige
* You will not have a lot of pressure, since the #1 guy or gal will be taking most of it (haha!)

It's a bit like trailing directly behind Lance Armstrong in the Tour-de-France.

It's similar to following in the slipstream of an 18-wheeler.

Or driving right behind the speeding emergency vehicle when traffic is stuck.

It's almost (but not quite) immoral (you are purposefully holding back your best work)
It's a little bit risky (you might just get promoted to the #1 spot. Aaargh!) but...
It can be VERY ADVANTAGEOUS

Come on, you know it makes sense. You're a savvy slacker.

And on to the quote for the day...

"If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."
-Anatole France

Until the next time, gentle reader, I remain as always,

Your friend,

Buford Twain